The false self: Is the need to rescue others part of the false self?
For as long as one can remember, they may see that they have had an inclination to save or rescue others. As a result of this, they will be used to being there for others and doing what they can to ‘help’ them.
For so long, it would have seemed like they were doing the right thing, but there would have come a time when they realized that living this way was not really serving them or others. This might even be something that they were forced to accept, after reaching the point where it was no longer possible for them to behave in this manner.
Regardless of what has allowed them to step back and see that they need to change, they will no longer be willing to behave in the same way. Still, they may have a hard time understanding why it has taken them so long to wake up.
First of all, there is a strong possibility that behaving in this way would have been normal and, as was normal, it would not have stood out. Second, behaving in this way may have allowed them to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others.
There is no reason to change
Thanks to the way certain people responded, one would not have gotten the impression that they were doing something wrong. Quite regularly, they may have been told that they were an example of how to behave.
So you weren’t putting your needs first and you were “selfish”; they were overlooking his needs and acting in a “disinterested” way. However, living this way would have come at a great cost.
Ultimately, one has needs, and in order for them to lead a satisfying existence, they must take care of these needs. On the one hand, it is through being there for themselves that they can truly be there for others.
Taking care of your own needs will give you the energy and strength to serve. When this does not happen, they will run empty and it will only be possible for a diluted version of them to appear.
Therefore, living this way will not be very satisfying and they may find that it has caused them a lot of resentment. This is because, although they will have created the impression that they are disinterested, they will have needs.
Therefore, being there for others and not meeting their needs will naturally have caused them a lot of pain. Behaving this way wouldn’t have stopped them.
The other side
The way they behaved will also have kept the people they tried to save from taking responsibility for their own lives. It would have been as if one were a parent and the other person was a child.
So one would have been doing things that someone else should have done for themselves, disempowering them in the process. The reason one would not have been able to see this is because behaving in this way satisfied a need they were not aware of.
An indirect approach
What this probably shows is that they have been projecting the parts of themselves that need to be healed onto others. So it’s not that one wanted to save these people; is that they wanted to save themselves.
But, since they weren’t aware of what was going on within them, they couldn’t have done it. And, as you know, trying to change what is happening “out there” will not allow you to rescue yourself.
The other part of this is that being there for others will have been an indirect way for them to try to meet their own needs. This is likely to illustrate that they are ashamed of their own needs, which is why they cannot directly meet them.
With this in mind, being there for others, the way they have been, will be seen as the only way for them to be accepted and survive. Ergo, leaving this role and revealing who they are will be seen as a threat to their own survival.
A deeper look
The big question is: why do they feel the need to hide who they are? Their early years may have been a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met, leaving them feeling guilty and ashamed of their own needs and themselves.
Due to the lack of support for their true self, they would have had to develop a false self. His focus would have been on what was happening externally, losing touch with what was happening internally in the process.
In order for you to let go of this false self and embrace your true self, you will need to deal with what holds the former in place. In your body, there is probably a lot of trauma that needs to be resolved.
As they delve into themselves, they may discover that they are carrying a lot of toxic shame. Also, your mind would have created a series of beliefs around what happened and will need to be addressed.
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If you can relate to this and are ready to change your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.