Twelve Step Recovery Progress Measurement

Sometimes I wonder what the source of direction is: a thought, a feeling, an inspiration, or a Higher Power of my understanding. Or they all merge seamlessly into one, in which case God is the managing director. I know that considering a topic for an Al-Anon meeting that I recently chaired led me to choose one of their slogans, namely, “Progress, not perfection,” and that a check of my records revealed that I had selected the same one. for the same meeting he had led two years earlier, almost to this day. Coincidence? Maybe or maybe not.

There may be a message in the word “same” and its repeated use, because recovery is not about staying the same, but, as the motto suggests, “progress”, and perhaps my subconscious or higher consciousness, called “God”, I wished one more time to measure mine.

Slow, gradual, subtle and hardly measurable on a day-to-day basis, it certainly has been. However, like climbing a mountain, periodically it is beneficial to pause on a plateau and assess, to the best of my ability, how far I have ascended.

As an adult child who grew up (perhaps “endured” is the best term and perhaps “survived” is the best of all) with a paraalcoholic who exhibited all the unstable and abusive characteristics of the drunkard without the liquid pointing to. I have often considered twelve-step recovery to be contrary to the grain of my personality for three important reasons.

First of all, I am prolific and obsessive. I am impatient with tasks and efforts that take a long time to complete. In terms of recovery, there may not necessarily be a finish line to cross. Instead, it is characterized by clarity, understanding, relief, sanity, and a Higher Power that pulls on the quicksand of life.

Second, perfectionism, one of the survival traits of an adult child, is the embodiment of my personality, and I find nothing “perfect” in a process that can never truly be completed without a definitive method of determining that completion.

Finally, there is the frustration, coupled with injustice, over the fact that I have a disease that generally requires alcohol consumption, however, due to the detrimental effects it has had on me and numerous good friends, I refuse to touch. And I’ve almost risen the word that identifies him to a level of blasphemy. In short, I never drank, but I am still afflicted by the disease. The frustration, in hindsight, may be too mild to explain my feelings about this fact.

“Progress can be difficult to recognize, especially if our expectations are unrealistically high,” advises the Al-Anon text “Courage to Change” (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 72). “If we expect our negative attitudes or unhealthy behaviors to change quickly and completely, we are likely to be disappointed. It is difficult to see progress when we compare ourselves to idealized standards. Perhaps it would be better to compare our current circumstances only with those we had been in the past. “.

Could this be the reason for my “casually” chosen topic?

However, this is, in essence, my approach. There are ways to measure healing from physical illnesses, but dysfunction and dysregulation created by alcoholics or para-alcoholics involve body, mind and soul, and while I am at my current plateau, I can only measure my progress through feelings, fears, behaviors, intentions, esteem and beliefs. The more the obstacles of the disease have been reduced, the easier my life has become.

My confidence and self esteem have increased. So has my trust in others. I have a greater sense of inner strength and stability. I feel less hurt or offended by what others do and say, realizing that if their negative comments and transgressions come out of them, then they must be in them first and therefore have nothing to do with me and with my self esteem. I have also become increasingly social and connected, no longer constrained by trauma, defenses, and hesitations. Finally, I feel a greater sense of sanity, wholeness, and connection to my Higher Power.

Perfection? Maybe not. But again, how is such a concept defined and to whom is it entrusted to determine whether this goal has been achieved?

Adversity, though never welcomed, grinds and refines the soul. Growth and learning are the result of taking risks and being tested and challenged. Have I experienced all of this, I wonder, as I look down from my current plateau? I think so. Is it perfection, I wonder, as I climb back up? It never will be until I reach the top, or until I return to my Creator.

Article sources

“Courage to change”. Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992.