Emotional issues: When does a friendship cross the line?

One of the preliminary steps in developing a solid foundation in your relationship is getting to know your partner. This includes knowing their feelings regarding the approval of friends outside of the relationship. You really need to know if they accept the friendships you already have and how they will feel about your associations with others in the future. This information will be helpful in knowing what friendships your partner may feel crossing the line. Emotional affairs are very common and many platonic friendships seem to open the door to such matters.

To begin, let’s define what an emotional issue is. In such friendships, the couple invests an investment of time and emotional energy into the friendship. Not only that, but he also receives emotional support and companionship.

As the platonic friendship grows and emotional ties strengthen, there is a loss of intimacy in the primary relationship. In fact, most experts regard emotional affairs as a form of cheating without sex. Studies have shown that emotional affairs often open the door to full-blown affairs.

Very often, these friendships start out innocently enough. But as they evolve, there is an increasing exchange of intimate information. The emotional matter is kept secret from the main partner. And whether it is recognized or not, there is almost always a sexual attraction.

As time passes, the time with the “friend” becomes more interesting and important than the time with the partner. The person involved in the emotional matter spends time thinking about the ‘friend’ when he or she is not around. There may be attempts to create opportunities to have contact with the “friend.”

The couple involved in the friendship can be completely blameless due to the absence of sex in the friendship. But as the friendship grows, the main relationship is likely to deteriorate. Since the partner has a support person within the friendship, he or she may feel that he or she is no longer needed with the main partner.

Because the couple does not share information about the friendship there are lies, deceit and betrayal. The main partner is likely to find the emotional affair as damaging as a sexual affair; in some cases even more. It seems that some of us can accept that our partner ventures in search of sexual variety, but when our partner seeks emotional support and companionship elsewhere, we feel extreme pain and hurt feelings.

Since the friendship is justified as a simple friendship, the partner involved can continue to rationalize that it is acceptable. Then, eventually, he or she may find that there is a greater bond with the “friend” than with the main partner. The problems that can arise can end a relationship.

By understanding your partner early in your relationship, you will know what is acceptable in outside friendships. You have the responsibility to share your sincere feelings regarding these matters. This opens the space for a debate that could avoid many problems in the future.

If you discover that you are involved in a friendship that can turn into an emotional affair, you can take a step back and examine what the true attraction is. In most cases, it will be a warning sign that you need to work on your main relationship and focus all emotional energy there.