Hang up the phone or make money?

Oh yeah. Its on! You’ve been in a relationship for a while and you can’t stop arguing. Angry and frustrated, you can’t believe you’re in another fight. Well, chances are they’re fighting over one of two things. Money or privacy.

Let me start by saying that I haven’t done any research on this topic in quite some time. I’m just going off the latest trends that I’ve been seeing with my clients. Old school thinking was that money was the biggest issue couples fought over. While that’s still pretty prevalent, I quickly see that lack of intimacy outweighs money.

I never really understood why money was the biggest sticking point for an argument when it came to couples. After all, we don’t {well, most of us} don’t build the foundation of our relationship on money. Yes, it is important for survival and comfort, but it is not what sustains a relationship. If that were the case, your relationship would be with money, and not so much with the person you’ve bonded with. The foundation for most healthy relationships is intimacy and trust.

I have written about the loss of intimacy through the cell phone several times. And while most of us are connected to our phones 24/7, the healthiest couples know how to be present and create intimacy without cell phone interruption. I’m all for taking the “couple selfie” or responding to a quick text. However, keep it to a minimum. And when possible, don’t touch the phone entirely. Intimacy is created or lost in the moment.

Money can add value to your relationship. But to suggest that it is more important than intimacy is misplaced. In 33 years of working in mental health, could you believe that I’ve never had a man or woman say to me, “You know, we have a strong relationship and all, but if you gave me more money than time, I’d be a lot happier.” I’m sure it happens. But, I have yet to meet that scenario.

I believe that when two people are connected, money or no money, they will survive. It may not be fun and it may not be pretty. But intimacy that speaks in terms of a lifetime commitment is sexy. it is powerful. It endures and masters all other problems that come its way.

So yes, raise your hand if you want your partner to earn more money. Good. Now raise your hand if you would be willing to exchange some of that money if you knew your partner would pay attention to you, communicate with you, and hold you above anything else. Bueller? Bueller? Do you understand my point? {I make myself laugh.}

The truth for many is that intimacy, on all levels {spiritual, physical and emotional} transcends most problems, fears and worries. Because when you know you have someone by your side on the hardest days of your life, all that pressure seems to lessen. This intimacy is the greatest source of power and comfort, helping us to become the best version of ourselves. And money? Well, money can’t do that.