How to get it back – Basics

Going through a breakup is hard and when it comes to trying to win your ex back, we often make costly mistakes that push them further away from us instead of closer to us. It’s important to understand that our emotions will often lead us to say or do the wrong things during a breakup. This is why it is so important that you do not contact your ex immediately after a breakup. You need some free time to think of a strategy to get your ex back.

Before you start working on how to win it back, you need to understand why exactly your ex broke up with you in the first place. After all, you need to fix the source of the problem if you ever plan to get your ex back. This will require some change on your part, but it is a change you must be willing to go through. There’s no point in trying to win your man back if you don’t plan on changing in the long run. If not, eventually, it will lead back to another broken heart.

Let’s explore the reasons why men leave. It’s something most women do on their first dates and it’s an everyday human emotion that most people can’t live without. Usually, after the relationship magic wears off, women forget to do it. I’m talking about admiration… men want to feel admired!

This sounds so simple but it is true. Surveys and relationship studies have shown various reasons why men leave a relationship, but Dr. John Gray and other experts concluded that men mostly start to lose interest and will eventually leave a relationship when they no longer feel admired.

We often see in movies that the guy leaves with a prettier face, but that is far from the truth. It’s not about appearances at all. A smiling, happy, giggly coworker who showers him with compliments and smiles every time he walks into the room is an incredible admiration generator and turns on a man who is NOT admired at home.

That doesn’t mean you have to go around like some giggly, silly schoolgirl to get your man back. Not at all…men measure how well they are doing in a relationship and how “admired” they are by how happy their woman seems to be with them.

Think about it. When you first saw your man, you showered him with smiles and compliments, but as the relationship progresses, you start to form other clothes that wear him down. How to scold

Now you can believe that you showered him with admiration and that it was something else that tore you apart… that may be true. So let’s explore other reasons that could have caused the breakup.

insecure and needy

This will work against any man out there. If you are too needy and insecure, the man feels like he needs to take on a role like a father. Which is really unattractive to many men.

Sometimes it will be perceived as if you chose him only because you want to be loved by another person and not because of his own unique qualities.

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Your man wants to be the alpha, but at the same time he wants a woman who is independent and has a soft and vulnerable side. But if you are too rigid or cold, this will directly challenge his masculinity. It doesn’t mean you have to give in to everyone’s whims…find the right balance and you’ll have your man eating out of your hands.

boring routine

It’s common for couples to get stuck in the same boring routine every weekend. Choosing a new hobby or trying the things your man is interested in will spice up your relationship.

Now that you understand why the relationship ended… the next step is to work on how to get it back.

You will probably feel like you need to contact your ex immediately after a breakup to let them know how sorry you are and how much you love them, but doing so will only make the situation worse. If you’ve already done that, you know it only leads to him getting mad and arguing about the breakup.

This is why you need to take a real break from your ex. That is, no contact with your ex for 3 weeks! Text messages, emails, chats or any other form of contact are not allowed.

The ‘no contact rule’ is the most important step in getting your ex back for a number of reasons. It gives you time to clear your mind and calm your emotions… and it gives you time to reevaluate your relationship. Why exactly do you want to get back with your ex? I hate to break this to you, but sometimes it’s better to leave things as they are… and you’ll know when it’s time to move on, I’ll cover that later.

During your 3 weeks of no contact, there are a few things you can do to help improve not only how you feel on the inside, but also how you look on the outside. So now is the time to start hanging out with friends, going on dates (yes, you can go on small dates, it’s healthy for you), hitting the gym, and keeping busy at work.

The first thing you should do… is exercise! Exercise releases endorphins, which act as antidepressants. It will make you more physically attractive, keep your mind busy, and boost your confidence levels.

Now, during the ‘no contact’ time period, your ex can call you. It’s okay for your ex to initiate contact first. Do you see the key phrase, ‘your ex initiates contact first’, and not the other way around? If he calls, it’s okay to answer, but here are some key things to keep in mind when your ex contacts you:

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Keep the conversation short (10 minutes maximum). Make sure you end the conversation first. Be polite and say, “I’m going out with a friend. I’ll call you later.” You don’t want to sound bitter when you say this.

The same rule above applies when you meet him in person.

Don’t call back right away. Wait about a day or a day and a half.

Talk about whatever, but never bring up the relationship or breakup unless he initiates it first.

Act cheerful and happy.

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NEVER be their emotional support! It needs to heal itself. During a breakup, some men use their ex-girlfriends as a way to get over a breakup or as a sex toy. You may think that being his emotionally for him will bring you closer again… this is simply not true. Unless he’s committed to you… You should NOT sleep with him.

Act angry, depressed, sad, or rude on the phone. Most importantly, don’t beg him to take you back.

Don’t ask him if he is dating or sleeping with other women. Or brag about how many guys are flirting with you.

Mention anything about the relationship. (Unless he starts the conversation first)

Right now is the best time to find out if the relationship you want to save is worth it or not. Sometimes it will do you more good than harm if you move on with your life. Here is a method you can use to determine whether or not you want your ex back.

This is a popular method that millions of people use today for various problems. It’s simple, take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side write ‘Pros’ (positive) and on the other side write ‘Cons’ (negative). Then start writing down all the positive and negative aspects of your relationship with your ex. Compare and think about what you have written on the piece of paper.

Remember, no one else can make this decision except you!

If you have decided that your relationship is worth saving, then congratulations, as you are ready to begin your quest to win your man back. What you just learned is the starting point. Following the steps above will make sure he comes crawling back to you, but now you need to learn more about reestablishing the deep connection you once had. And you can find out how to do that and more below.