How to handle when a health crisis hits!
A brain tumor! Really?
This was my thought last April 2012 when I was diagnosed with a 3 centimeter tumor in the left occipital region of my brain. What about simple illnesses like a cold, or if that wasn’t getting my attention, how about a less life-threatening illness? Of course, those questions can’t be answered, so I made a decision. I would do my best and use every tool available (medical and otherwise) to manage this crisis, learn from it, grow from the experience, and free myself from it! This is the first of several articles that will describe the healing process and understand how to make the most of a health crisis.
My Story: It is traditional at Passover Dinner for all participants to read. When it was my turn, I tried to read and couldn’t! Of course, I went into immediate denial. “I’m tired of cooking” and “I just got a new puppy.” Well, that didn’t make a difference. What he did was my good friend Judy, who yelled at me, “Call the doctor.” “But I was in the middle of a TV show,” I complained. She and my husband wouldn’t leave me alone, so I called. Two days later I had an MRI and 4 hours later I was at Cedars Sinai Hospital with the best neurosurgeon in California. Three days later I had surgery to remove the tumor.
The good news…they understood everything…the bad news…it was aggressive and I had to have radiation for 6 weeks and chemo pills for 6 weeks. The treatment protocol is to take 5 days of chemotherapy pills every month for a year. I’ve also entered a clinical trial at Cedars Sinai for a vaccine that will disable these cells. The end result of the surgery is that I’m healthy, but still can’t read or drive…damn…more stuff to deal with! I think we have lessons to learn from the crisis in our lives. I will address that important topic in a later article.
I told you my “story” because I didn’t want you to get caught up in what happened. What is important is what I decided to do about it and the journey I have undertaken over the last six months.
When first diagnosed, after the initial wave of fear and apprehension, we jump into action. We listen to doctors and choose who we want to be on our team. There is a lot of pressure on everyone to do the ‘right thing’. But what is correct? How do you know what is right for you? Questions flood your brain. The tendency is to leave decision-making in the hands of doctors or relatives. Do not do that! Keep your humor. Feel the emotions that arise. Then come back to yourself, to your truth, to your intelligence and to what you believe. This is the only place where you can really hear yourself. It became clear to me that I needed a traditional and holistic treatment. I saw it as a complete circle. Very clear. Now he had to find out what the circle contained.
I knew I needed an advocate, a therapist who could keep me in tune with myself so fears wouldn’t take over. I knew I was going to do Western medical treatments, although I have always been suspicious of traditional medical society. I took a leap of faith and realized that they are experts in treating tumors, they are expertly trained, and I would get good advice and guidance. I listened to my family and friends and made my own decisions. I reviewed all the options and ideas that were presented to me. I think when an idea occurs to me I should pay attention. It is an opportunity that may or may not be right for me. I decided yes with a nutritionist, yes with my holistic doctor (which I already had), and yes with a clinical trial of a cancer vaccine. I decided against acupuncture and some other healing modalities simply because I was overwhelmed with doctor appointments. I, of course, said YES to hypnosis and guided imagery. I have practiced hypnotherapy for 30 years and it is a big part of me. The difference is that I allowed other practitioners (my friends) to work with me. I have some wonderful CDs to listen to and hypnosis is multi-faceted as I am able to work with stress, fear, negativity as well as healing, symptom relief and strengthening my health.
My mindset was important. I chose a therapist who believes that once the tumor is there, the crisis that caused it is over and healing is in progress. He resonated with me. I have never seen myself as sick or unhealthy.
The articles that follow will explain to you how I maintain my strength, my power, and my patience. They will discuss different healing modalities and how to choose what is right for you. The last six months have been a journey of letting go, relearning what I took for granted, compensating, letting myself be cared for and receiving. I am learning to control my urge to be in control! This is the hardest job I’ve ever had. As I navigate through life, sometimes I feel like I’m failing and I don’t understand it, and other times I feel so wise and powerful. When friends, family, doctors, people I know admire me for how I’m handling it, I just smile quietly inside.
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