Love and respect

There are so many mixed emotions swirling around the need for respect and love. People are always looking for both and end up with one or neither. Why is that?

Well, for one thing, love is often given without thinking, while respect must be earned. How many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t know why I love this or that because I don’t even like him or her?”

Then there is the confusion between love and lust. There are not many people who can tell the difference between the two in the early stages of a relationship. And even after the relationship has had time to mature, it’s still hard to tell the difference between love and sex if you’re still having sex with your partner.

Purpose, respect is different. If nothing else, you can feel when someone respects you. You can feel validated by that person. It’s not just about hearing nice words because those nice words have to be backed up by actions. It is the actions that tell you if they are respecting you and if you can’t keep telling someone that you want their respect; you have to earn it.

If your boundaries are constantly being crossed, you don’t get the respect you’re looking for. All the “I love you’s” in the world won’t lessen the disrespect you feel when you know someone is still taking advantage of you.

When someone keeps putting you down or criticizing you without offering a way to fix the problem, you know that person just wants to vent but doesn’t respect you enough to help you solve the problem or change the status quo.

Many reviews are said in jest or in such a subtle way that you don’t even realize what it is. You just know you don’t feel good about yourself, but you can’t figure out why. And you can deeply love that person, but not respect him or feel respected by him.

Are your opinions sought after or do you have to keep them to yourself? Do your opinions count in your relationship or are they ignored? When you are in a relationship, one of the most sensitive aspects is the exchange of ideas and plans that involve both of you. If only one of you is making most of the decisions that affect both of you, then you are not being respected, regardless of the reasons your partner gives.

If you care more about respect than love, stay away from those who don’t show it with definitive actions. If love matters more to you than respect, at least try to feel that your love is reciprocated in equal measure. The important thing is that you know what you are looking for in a relationship so that you can identify it when you feel it or notice its absence when it is missing.