My husband keeps leaving me and coming back, should I give up?

When you’re newly separated, things can feel so terrible. There is a lot of shock and also a great sense of urgency. But what if you’ve been through a split multiple times? What if your spouse is in the habit of leaving you? Well, then the shock can wear off and you start to feel tired.

A wife might say, “My husband left me last week. If this had happened five years ago, I would probably be in a panic and out of my mind. But I’ve been through all of this before. In fact, he left me several times. And then he comes back and we go through the same cycle over and over again. I don’t panic this time because it’s hard for me to believe that he won’t come back eventually. But I also know that eventually he will go away again. I’ve gotten so tired of this cycle. I can never be in disagree or fight with him because if I do it will eventually turn into a disagreement worthy of him leaving me I am getting so tired of this I don’t want to get a divorce that’s why I always accept it I don’t want to hurt our kids like that way. But honestly, I’m at the point where I want to take the initiative and stop this cycle myself. And the only way I know how to do this is to get a divorce. It’s not really what I want. But I also know that we can’t keep it up.”

The cycle may be happening because nothing changes to stop it.: I understand your frustration. Nobody wants to keep repeating the same old painful and destructive pattern. I think couples often wear clothes like this. They don’t know how to allow it to develop otherwise. And even though it makes them unhappy, they end up following the script because they’ve never deviated from it before.

I believe it is possible to break the cycle. But to do this, you’ll need to change what isn’t fixed with each split. When couples are in a pattern like this, it’s because nothing is changing. There is hope that things will change, which is why the husband keeps coming back. But it doesn’t change, so she leaves again.

So two things need to happen to stop this. First of all, whatever is causing the tension and friction must finally be addressed and significantly reduced or eliminated. And second, both spouses need to commit to trying to work things out before one of them just walks out. It is very difficult to solve a problem when someone does not stick around long enough to do it.

Often when a habit has become as deeply ingrained as this, you really need help to overcome it. Since it has become somewhat obvious that the issue or problem is not going to go away on its own even when both people want it to, then maybe it is time to find a good counselor to help you with this. It doesn’t always have to cost a lot of money, and it would probably be cheaper than continuing to maintain two homes every time things go sour in your marriage.

The counselor can help you identify the trigger that sets off the chain of events for your departure. Once you both can clearly see what’s going on, it’s much easier to pause before another recurrence. Of course, none of this is going to matter unless her husband agrees to stay when the going gets tough instead of leaving again. But the fact that she keeps coming back tells me that she probably really wants to fix things. This cycle is probably just as painful and frustrating for him. That’s why it makes sense to test what you haven’t tested: find someone to help you identify what’s really at stake here, and then fix it once and for all.

Even old habits can be broken.:Because if you can do that, then there won’t be any real reason for him to leave, apart from habit. And the clothes can be torn as long as there is something that prevents the cycle from repeating itself. I know you’re tired of all this, but I think it makes sense to try again by getting the help you’ve never gotten before. That’s just part of knowing that he’s done everything possible to salvage his marriage before filing for a divorce that he knows he doesn’t want.