This feels like a rock in the dryer

I live my life free of conflict. That is, when I feel in conflict with myself or with others, I resolve it to feel connected again. I have experienced the joy and bliss of having “nothing between us”, and this addictive state of being so connected and at peace encourages me to stay clear, or clear up, over and over again in conflicting circumstances. Whether it’s friends, romantic partner, or business relationships … “nothing between us” means we’re not connected without resentment, anger, or frustration.

Last week was a challenge for me. There was conflict in a couple of personal relationships, all for the same problem. My happiness left the building! What was left bothered me so much that I described it to a good friend as ‘a stone in the dryer’. You’ve heard that sound, right? When something very harsh rings in the dryer with the rest of the clothes? Now imagine there are no other clothes in the dryer, just the rocks. That was my inner noise last week. Rattle, rattle, bing, bang, rattle, bonk … (repeats for hours and hours and hours).

I took control of the madness that was going on inside me and stopped it.

Ahhhh … joy and happiness were mine again.

I’m going to share with you how I did it, because chances are good that one day you will feel a ‘stone in the dryer’ vibrating and you can use this strategy to clear yourself up and connect again.

First, I used Esther Hicks’s ‘pivot process’, on Ask and It Is Given. The pivot process suggests that when you realize you have a negative thought, interrupt your thinking by saying this. “Now I know what I don’t want, so I am clear about what MAKE want. What I DO want is … (Finish by writing what you do want instead.) “Repeat the pivot process as needed when your negative thinking returns.

Second, I used my 5-step model for planning a difficult conversation, by Yours Truly (myself, and taught in my Sandbox training programs).

Step 1 – Problem: decide whether the problem is worth addressing or not. The juice is worth the squeeze, so decide if it’s worth the talk or just let it go.

Note that there were two parts (two rocks in my dryer) and in this first step I realized that only one of them was worth maintaining a relationship with, so after running it in step 1 I decided to let go of one rock. The decision was made to intentionally remove the stone from my dryer, with love, forgiveness, and absolutely no desire to continue a relationship. Letting go really means letting go … not just avoiding the conversation and holding a grudge. Letting go could also mean simply deciding to leave the conflict unaddressed, but also to continue the relationship. You decide what letting go looks like, but letting go also means letting go of resentment. However, the second part is a relationship worth maintaining, working on, rebuilding trust, and reconnecting. For that party, I proceeded with all the steps of the model.

He passed two – Intent

Step 3 – Because

Step 4 – Damage control

Step 5 – Write your opening

This 5-step model and the guide for each step will be published in my new book Sandbox Strategies for the New Workplace.

Well, here is the calm clothes with no stones in the dryer, which means peaceful and connected relationships where your world goes round and round and you feel a state of joy and happiness. Speaking of joy … we wish you a joyful holiday. So much so that you have a lot to share with others. Sending lots of love to everyone who reads my blog called Leadership Tips.