Crying is a healing activity

More or less everywhere in the world, children are taught to refrain from crying. I remember incidents from my own childhood. If I fell down and then cried, my family members would distract me from crying. They would say ‘look you killed an ant’. In my innocence, I would believe what I was told and start looking for the little creature. Of course, I could never find one. But I was distracted by crying and the activity stopped spontaneously.

In the real world of adults this is what we learn to do. We distract ourselves from crying over the losses we have suffered in our lives. We are told that it is not good for us to cry, because ‘things cannot be undone’. Little do we realize that crying is a healing activity and helps us move forward in life.

It is a myth that crying over a loss goes on forever and impedes our progress. The convert is true. Not crying over loss and death creates a ‘charge’ on the body that we are not aware of. This charge is only experienced when it is allowed to be released. While one is holding on to the load, he is unaware that he is carrying it. We are so used to wearing it anyway.

Our nervous system goes into stress mode when our body perceives any threat. At that moment the crying process is suspended. It is only when a person begins to relax that crying activity occurs. Physiologically, the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for relaxation. Crying or shedding tears is also a parasympathetic activity. So people who are stressed don’t cry. But they are not happy either.

When someone cries over a loss, it means that the nervous system is “getting comfortable” or reaching a stage of “acceptance” of the loss. This causes a balance between the sympathetic (stress-producing) and parasympathetic (relaxation-producing) parts of the nervous system. Crying that implies grief almost ALWAYS ends.

Sometimes even adults may cry for attention. This type of crying is usually done dramatically, is inconsistent with any loss, and does not end at any stage, until the playwright wants to stop it. In such a case, crying is not a healing activity but a search for attention.