Relationships: Why do some people have a need to be necessary?

While there are people who are not interested in trying to rescue or save other people, there are others who are. As a result of this, some people will be repelled by these types of people and some will be drawn to them like bees in a honey pot.

And no matter what kind of people are attracted to someone, this can be normal. What this means is that they will not need to think about whether or not to go towards them or away from them; this is something that will just happen.

Less drama

What is clear is that when someone is not attracted to people who seem to need rescue, their life is likely to be much less complicated. They will be able to pay attention to their own needs and be there for others, rather than being consumed by other people’s needs.

This will make it easier for them to function at their best and have enough energy to really be there for others. Therefore, when they reach out to others, they will not try to do things for them that they should be doing for themselves.

Esteem

The reason they will be able to do this is because they value themselves and feel safe enough to behave this way. Then they can put their needs first, without feeling like they are doing something wrong.

And since their needs are important, it would show that something is not right if they feel guilty and ashamed for paying attention to them. What this probably shows is that they have good limits.

A clear line

This will allow them to see where they begin and end and where other people begin and end, allowing them to realize that they are not responsible for other people. If they were to do things for them that they should do for themselves, they would probably soon realize that they have crossed their limits.

If this happened, they could end up feeling more like someone’s parent than their friend or partner, for example. The relationship would end up unbalanced and would begin to decrease.

An election

This does not mean that they will give something and soon after they will receive something in return; it all comes down to the fact that their relations will not be one-sided. The reason someone is in your life is because you want them to be.

The way this person experiences life is likely to be radically different from how someone experiences life when they have a need to save or rescue others. For one thing, they are likely to spend a lot of time focusing on other people’s needs.

Out of touch

Naturally, this will cause them to neglect their own needs and they may even act as if they have no needs. So it is not that they are disconnected from their own needs; is that they just don’t have any.

Your needs will have been replaced by the needs of other people; it will be as if they were an extension of others. So they are not responsible for their own needs; They are responsible for the needs of others.

An approach

So instead of being aware of what is happening within them and being aware of what is happening externally, they will generally focus on what is happening externally. Your priority will be to do everything you can to please others.

Behaving in this way will allow you to receive approval and this will have a positive effect on your ego. The downside is that while your ego will be happy with what’s happening, your true self will end up being completely overlooked.

The benefit

But while they will ignore their own needs and suffering in the process, their self-esteem will be defined by what they do for others. What this means is that they will only feel good about themselves if they are trying to fix other people.

The people in your life will make you feel needed and this will be a very strong need. If they didn’t have such people in their life, they would end up feeling worthless and rejected and abandoned.

A mask

Someone like that may appear strong and capable; making it difficult to understand how they could end up feeling this way if they had no one to save. However, this will just be a false self that they created to keep their pain at bay and receive approval.

Having developed this false self, a false self that would have made them disconnect from their true needs and feelings, will also mean that they will not be able to experience intimacy. They will not be available emotionally and the people they are attracted to are likely to be in a similar position.

A closer look

When someone behaves in this way, it can show that they had to meet their caregiving needs growing up. This would have made them lose touch with their true selves and believe that their worth was based on what they did.

They would have gone from being a human being to being a human being, and this would have led them to believe that they were inherently flawed. If they hadn’t done what their caregivers wanted, they would have been rejected and abandoned.

Awareness

This would have prevented them from developing a strong sense of self and knowing where they begin and end and where other people begin and end. Focusing on the needs of other people will be a way to regulate their own emotions, this being a skill that they would not have developed because they had been neglected.

It will be years since this happened, but it will continue to have a great effect on their lives. Seeking outside support can be a way forward, and this can be provided by a therapist or healer.